Aloha all of you readers out there. Time for LOLs, and you love it! Actually, I love doing this column just to see how alert the editor is in finding the naughty jokes they won’t print.
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed. To the first mother, May, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.” He then turned to the second Mom, Ann: “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifest itself in your child’s name, Penny.” He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: “Your obsession is with alcohol. This shows in your child’s name, Brandy. At this point the fourth Mom, Kathy, quickly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
“Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he’s talking about. Let’s go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner!!
This may not be funny to us older — nah, nah, wiser folks — but the Social Security fund my be empty when I’m 95. Guess I’ll have to worry about something else. But the latest and best political advice I’ve heard in a long time is this: ‘Limit all U.S. politicians to two terms. One in office and one in the slammer. That should take care of everything.’
One of my mother’s friends loved to do needlepoint. Here are a few that were hung all over her home:
• My house was clean last week. Sorry you missed it.
• Life is made of choices — remove your shoes or scrub my floor. (Yep, that one was on the entrance hallway.)
• Laundry Room: Push button for service. If no one answers, do it yourself.
• My favorite is in the kitchen — I serve 3 meals: Frozen, Microwave, and Takeout!
Waiting to cross the street with a friend, the light changed and the beeper sounded. She ask if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded,
“What on earth are blind people doing driving? (No, I don’t spend too much time with her any longer)
OK, there are some perks of aging, so here are a few I’ve researched:
• Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
• In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
• Things you buy now won’t wear out.
• You sing along with elevator music and no one else knows the words.
• Your investment in health insurance is finally paying off. …and the grande finale,
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either!!!
And to close with my most favorite sign in a doctor’s office — “WARNING: Patients will be charged extra for annoying the doctor with any self-diagnosis gotten off the Internet!”
Aloha…a hui hou.